Two-Bit Floozy
by Brunette
Summary: He cast a nervous glance at the other side of the unmade bed, and that's when he noticed. Kitty wasn't even there. [one-shot; rated for language]


_Author's Note: You know who I miss a lot? Kitty. And humor, because humor is the best. So here's this._

_I thought it'd be fun to do a story more towards the beginning of their relationship; someday I want to do one on their meeting in a liquor store, but that just hasn't happened yet. So here it is! When Kitty met Izzy!_

_And, because I can never help it, this is slightly AU. I mean, it wouldn't HAVE to be. It's possible Daniels would forget an incident like this, but it's generally kinda/sorta AU._

_Disclaimer: The characters of _The Mummy_ and _The Mummy Returns_ are the property of Universal Studios__. _

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**Two-Bit Floozy**

It was six in the morning when Beni crept back into his apartment, holding his breath and scurrying like that damned mouse that kept twittering in the wall above his bed. It was six in the morning and the room was already bright yellow with sunlight, and he was cursing every creaking floorboard under his feet. He froze in the middle of the room and cautiously removed his sandals, setting them off to the side as quietly as possible before take the last few steps over to the bed.

He knew the mattress was going to whine and creak if he sat down on the bed, so he got undressed where he stood and slipped into the rumpled blankets with painstaking care, biting back a curse when the springs sung under his slight weight. He cast a nervous glance at the other side of the unmade bed, and that's when he noticed. Kitty wasn't even there.

He frowned at the pile of blankets and lopsided pillows in confusion, pushing and pulling at them until he was certain that he was alone in the bed. His brow furrowed up even more. He reached down and picked up his pants, found his pocket watch, and checked the time again. Six in the morning - just a little after six. And he was the only one here.

Where the hell was Kitty?

He would have expected her to be home by now. She liked to stay out late drinking and picking men's pockets while they eyed up her cleavage, but she was usually home by three or so. Beni had meant to be home hours ago, but he'd drank too much before he went to see his favorite prostitute and ended up sleeping off his vodka for much longer than he'd anticipated. Here he'd made every effort to slip into the room without Kitty noticing, and she hadn't even bothered to come home at all.

He sat there, brooding and perturbed, annoyed over all the trouble he'd gone through to creep around an empty room. With a whiny groan, he reached over the side of the bed and retrieved his pants again, fishing out a cigarette and a match.

Kitty had been inexplicably living with him for a few days now, and he didn't particularly mind. She was pretty in a cheap, easy kind of way - the kind of woman who wore too much make-up and too little clothing - and, as his taste in the opposite sex had never been much in the way of class, he might even say he was pleased to have her at his disposal. He liked her white-blonde hair and thought it was funny that she called him "baby," and even though he knew he'd likely be bored with her before the week was out, he was reasonably sure he could rid himself of her when the time came.

He sat on the bed, smoking impatiently, wondering where she could possibly be. It wasn't that he _wanted_ her to come back, necessarily. He could move past the loss of a bimbo like Kitty fairly quickly, even if she _was_ fun. But he didn't like the thought of her spending the night with some other man when her shit kept piling up in his apartment, and...well...he should be the one to end it, if it was ending. She was staying at his apartment and he was letting her keep all of her stupid clothes here, so obviously, it was up to him. And he didn't like the thought of some floozy bitch using his apartment for storage space while she went out and screwed other men.

Beni was almost too angry at the thought of how he was being duped to hear the sound of a key in the lock.

Shit, she had a key, too? Where had she dug up a key? Had he given her one?

The door swung open and bounced back against the wall, causing a Brooklyn-colored voice to whisper just a little too loudly, "Oh, shit!"

Kitty hurried in a moment later, her high heels clicking across the floor, and Beni watched her with a scowl as she struggled to close the door quietly and lock it again.

"Where were you?" he demanded around his cigarette.

She let out a little yelp and dropped her clutch, whirling around to stare it him with wide, dark eyes. She had make-up smeared under her eyes and her hair was a mess, and the shell of her dress looked disastrously wrinkled under its sheer, beaded overlay. She gave him a broad smile that might have been dazzling if it wasn't so nervous, and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Nowheres, just out."

Beni's eyes narrowed and he took a drag off of his cigarette. "It is six in the morning."

"Is it?"

Her eyes were so big and innocent, and her face was screwed up into a thoughtful little frown, and he seriously couldn't tell if she was playing dumb or actually that oblivious.

"Yes," he said impatiently. "Where were you all night?"

Kitty let out a sigh, that thoughtful frown still on her face as if she legitimately couldn't remember how she'd spent her evening. She pulled her shoes off of her feet and hmm'd.

"Some hotel or somethin'. Some guys was goin' to a party and they asked me along."

Beni glared at her. "And the party got over just now?"

She giggled. "Are you kiddin'? There was so much booze I think everybody passed out before midnight - "

"And you, too?"

"Nah, I know how to handle my liquor."

He raised his eyebrows skeptically and snubbed out the last of his cigarette, reaching down for his pants to get another.

"Hey, light me up one, wouldja, baby?"

He looked up at her emphatically. "No."

She frowned in confusion. "Why not?"

"You were out with a man all night," he said, striking the match against the wall and lighting up his cigarette. "I can tell."

Kitty snorted, pulling her dress up over her head and tossing it onto the floor. Beni tried to maintain a hold on his aggravation when she propped her foot up on the bed beside him to unsnap her garters and peel off her stockings.

"C'mon, baby, it wasn't _all_ night."

Beni's eyes widened, but she just looked at him, nonchalant and confused.

"Well it wasn't!"

He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her in disbelief for a full minute, not even noticing the ash collecting on the end of the burning, unsmoked cigarette in his hand.

"What the hell difference would it make if you were out all night or spent five minutes with him? Fucking is fucking!"

Kitty frowned, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout, and she twisted her arms behind her to unhook her bra.

"Don't do that," he said, a lot whinier than he meant to.

"Why not?"

"It's distracting. I am angry with you."

Kitty raised her eyebrows quizzically. "So I'm s'posed to leave it on? It reeks like bourbon. I spilled a whole thing of it down my dress on accident - "

"I don't care."

Kitty put her hands on her hips and stared at him. "What's your problem, anyways?"

Beni gaped at her. "What's my _problem?_ You loaf in my apartment and leave your shit all over, and then you fuck some other man, and you want to know what my _problem_ is?"

"Well I ain't leavin' it on."

She reached around to unlatch the bra again, but a knock on the door startled her. She met Beni's eyes in confusion, but he just held up a finger to his lips and she froze where she stood. The knock came again, and then a voice:

"Goddamnit, you miserable blighter, I know you're in there - "

Kitty frowned at the door and turned to Beni again, but he just held his breath and said nothing.

"If you think for one bloody second I forgot about that twenty-five pounds, you got another thing comin' - "

Beni rolled his eyes and let out a whining groan before he could stop himself. He tried to bite it back, but it was too late; his paper-thin walls had betrayed him.

"C'mon, Beni, I can hear your wheezin' breath and I want my bloody goddamned twenty-five pounds!"

With a defeated sigh, he nodded emphatically at the door, and Kitty stared at him in confusion. "You want me to answer it?"

He nodded, and then let out a sudden yelp, having forgotten the burning cigarette in his hand. Irritably, he snubbed the last burning bit of it on the nightstand before his fingers could get any more singed.

"Should I put somethin' on?"

Beni just stared at her. "What? Yes."

She let out a groan and picked up her disheveled dress from the floor. "Fine, but I'm takin' this awful stinkin' bra off."

"I don't care," he snapped, too irritated with her to really enjoy the few seconds she stood there topless before tossing her dress back on.

"Beni! I hear voices in there! Open up, you dastardly son of a - "

The voice outside stopped abruptly as Kitty threw open the door, her wrinkled dress flung over her body and her bra in her hand. Beni heard her breathe a little gasp, and then whirl around to stare at him on the bed.

"Baby, there's a colored man in the hallway!"

Beni rolled his eyes. "I know that."

"Hello there."

Kitty turned back to their uninvited guest and flashed him a smile. "Hiya."

Casually, Izzy edged his way into the room, glancing at Beni with a confused but smarmy grin.

"And here I'd thought you must 'a moved on me, looker such as this playin' doorman for ya."

Beni just glared at him, reaching down for yet another cigarette. "What the hell are you doing here so early in the morning?"

Izzy shrugged, still eyeing up Kitty, much to her amusement. "I was in the neighborhood."

"At six-thirty in the morning?"

Izzy nodded his head absently, offering Kitty a grin and a handshake. "Izzy Buttons, darling."

She giggled. "Kitty Warsawszki. Are you a friend 'a Beni's?"

Beni started to mutter "nope" but Izzy quickly cut in, loud and obnoxious as ever:

"Oh, we're the best 'a mates, are Beni and me."

"I don't have your money and that game was fixed anyway. So goodbye, Izzy."

Izzy pulled his most innocent face, holding up his hands plaintively. "Now, now, no need to be rushin' off for - "

"It's six-thirty in the morning."

"Well we're all up and at 'em anyway, aren't we?" he said, giving Kitty another grin.

She giggled, and then turned on Beni with a half-sincere pout. "Now I wished I'd 'a known you was havin' a friend come by. Here I'm all a mess and now that's his first impression."

"Now, now, darling, whatever your condition you're a dazzler, anyone can see," Izzy assured her, putting a casual hand on her arm. She giggled again and flashed him a smile.

"I like this one, baby," she said. "And here I was startin' to think you didn't have no friends."

Beni just shot Izzy a glare. "I don't."

Izzy sniffed. "What's got you so sore, mate? You're a regular ol' wet blanket, even with the likes 'a this ravishin' specimen here."

Beni let out a groan and stared at him testily. "It is much too early in the morning to try to figure out your bullshit English."

"I think his accent's a gas!" Kitty said. "So adorable, I think I could listen all day. Where'd you learn to talk like that?"

Izzy smiled as charmingly as his gold teeth would allow. "I was born talkin' this way, love."

"I never heard no colored fella talk like you."

"Well I'm from England, darling - "

"They got colored folks over there?" she asked, eyes wide as saucers. She turned and stared at Beni in shock. "Did you know that? There's colored folks in England!"

Beni just let out a groan and lit his third cigarette, taking a long drag. He eyed Izzy darkly. "Well, it is _very early_ and I am _very tired_ - "

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," Izzy said, turning a leering eye to Kitty again. "Well, darling, it seems our illustrious host is kicking us out. Is there any place I might walk you to?"

She just giggled. "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but I'm stayin' here - "

Izzy's brow furrowed up in confusion. He stared at her for a minute before he laughed in understanding. "Ohh, you mean in this building. Well, I'd hap'ly walk you down the hall, even - "

"She's staying here," Beni spat. "Do you not see the women's clothes all over the damned floor?"

Izzy just raised his eyebrows. "Well how am I to know what you do in your spare time? But really, darling, you're staying _here_, with the slithery likes 'a him?"

For some reason, Kitty found this hilarious. When she was finally able to quiet her laughter, she said, "Ah, now, he ain't so slithery..." But she started laughing again when she saw the scowl on Beni's face. "I mean, he's a_ little_ slithery..."

He met her amused eyes with a glare. "Shouldn't you be taking a bath?"

Kitty yawned, pouting at the bed. "Ah, I was gonna do that after sleepin' a little - "

"You are not getting into my bed still stinking like some other man."

She let out a sigh, staring at him incredulously. "Are you still on that?"

"Are you trying to be funny? Is that a joke?"

Izzy sidled up a little closer, the most obnoxious grin Beni had ever seen on his stupid face. "What's this about, now?"

Beni gave him a pointed look. "None of your business - "

But Kitty was louder. "Oh, he's all bent outta shape 'cause I was out with this drunk Southern fella, but did he even ask me how much I took off the lousy son of a bitch?"

Without thinking, Beni almost told her that it didn't matter what she'd taken off of him...before he realized the stupidity of his words and snapped his mouth shut. He sat up, intrigued, and didn't even mind the smug smile on her face as she trotted over to where she'd dropped her clutch and picked it up. She opened it up and happily fished out a fat wad of American bills, holding them in Beni's face with an air of triumph. Greedily, he snatched it out of her hands counted through it in a matter of seconds.

"You took all of this off of one man?"

She shrugged. "He was a tourist. Got all his money on him all the time."

Beni couldn't stop staring at all of the money in his hand, but Kitty was already distracted. "Shit, I think I will take a bath. This stinkin' bourbon on me's makin' me sick."

She found a towel somewhere on the floor and drifted out of the room, and Beni met Izzy's greedy eyes with a groan.

"Seems you got that money you owe me now, mate."

Beni's hands tightened around the wad of cash. "This is _Kitty's_ money. I would not dare to give you any - "

"Oh, bullshit, you Scroogey wanker! Hand it over!"

"No. It is not mine to give - "

"Oh, like that's ever stopped you before! You just don't want to pay me!"

Beni glared back at him, an overly pious look on his face. "Right is right. Besides, don't you have some alley you are late to pass out in?"

Izzy met his gaze evenly. "I ain't goin' nowhere til I get my bloody twenty-five pounds."

"I don't have twenty-five pounds."

"You're a liar and your mother's a whore. That's got to be over five hundred clams there - "

"In American dollars," Beni reminded stiffly. "I still do not have any English pounds."

"Well I ain't picky."

Beni eyed him. "Well I am. How do I know if I hand you twenty-five American dollars that you are not getting the same as one hundred English pounds, eh?"

Izzy opened his mouth to retort, but the sound of heavy knocking interrupted him. He turned to Beni in wide-eyed confusion, and muttered just barely above a whisper, "She ain't done already is she?"

Beni shook his head, watching the door fearfully. The knocking came again, and then a harsh American voice:

"C'mon, ya two-bit floozy! I know yer in there and I know you got my goddamn money! Open up!"

Izzy gulped, edging a little closer to the window. Beni just froze and tried to hold his breath.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, you hear me? If you don't open up by the count 'a five, I'm bustin' the damn door in!"

Izzy met Beni's eyes across the room again.

"One..."

Breathing a curse, Beni pulled himself out of bed and found his pants.

"Two..."

Because if he was going to have to deal with this bastard either way, he'd rather do it without losing a door.

"Three..."

He hurriedly stuffed the money under his pillow and lunged for the door before the man on the other side could lose his patience and break it open, anyway. He threw open the door and met the grim blue eyes of a short, dark American.

"Who the hell're you?" the American demanded.

Beni offered him a wide, nervous smile. "No one. Just a, uh, humble - "

"I don't care," the American cut in testily. "I'm lookin' for a little blonde gal, got big doe eyes and a New York accent. Seen her?"

Beni shook his head solemnly. "There could be no woman living here, barat'm. I am a priest, a servant of the Lord, sworn to a life of quiet chastity - "

The American's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "If you're a priest, why ain't you at church on a Sunday mornin'?"

"I, uh, I am a Jewish priest, of course. We worship on Saturdays - "

"Whatever," the American spat. "I'm lookin' for this gal and for some goddamn reason she had this address. Left it on my bedside table with a tube 'a lipstick. Was about the only goddamn thing she left the room without."

Beni just continued to grin nervously. "This must be some kind of misunderstanding..."

"Well she had your address," the American said, his voice somehow managing to get gruffer. "And she's bound to be comin' this way if she had it."

Beni did his best to hide a crack in his smile, but Izzy jumped in just then:

"Well not if she lost the address, mate."

The American looked past Beni in confusion, noticing Izzy lurking by the window for the first time. He glared at Izzy in a dark and almost violent kind of way before turning his attention back to Beni.

"Look, you see her, you tell her Dave Daniels is reportin' her to the police. I don't care how backwards this sorry godforsaken excuse of a country is, they're gonna find her. I'll make sure 'a that."

Beni just nodded his head, doing his best to subtly usher the American out of his apartment without him noticing. "Of course, of course, sir. I will report her to the police myself. It is my godly duty to - "

"Fine," Dave sniffed, adjusting his hat on his head. He looked about the apartment one last time and strode out.

Beni called, "God bless you!" down the hall before quickly shutting the door and locking it. He let out an uneasy sigh of relief and met Izzy's eyes again.

"That was a close one, mate," Izzy said. "And I'd say you definitely owe me that money now - you and Kitty both."

Beni rolled his eyes and started to tell him he could go to hell, but there was another knock on the door - this one lighter. With a sigh, he turned and opened the door, and Kitty slipped back in with her dress in her hand and a towel about her body.

"Phew! Sorry I took so long; I remembered it was my day to wash my hair, and that always takes forever it seems like - "

But Beni could only glare at her. "You just missed your good friend Mr. Dave Daniels."

Kitty frowned in confusion. "Who?"

"The blighter you took all that cash from, darling."

Her face lit with realization briefly before her brows settled in a puzzled frown. "Well how'd he wind up here?"

"You left my address on his bedside table," Beni said impatiently.

Kitty's eyes widened. "Shit, did I? Ah, and my lipstick, too, I bet! I put it with my lipstick so I wouldn't forget but I was in such a rush 'cause his snorin' really made me jumpy. I kept thinkin' he was wakin' up..."

"He is reporting you to the police," Beni said.

But Kitty just blew a raspberry.

"He has my address."

"Well surely the police know where you live by now," she said with a little giggle, and just then noticed Izzy across the room. "Ah, honey, you still here?"

Izzy shot Beni a smug look before turning back to Kitty happily. "Ah, yes, love. You see, Beni owes me a bit of money and I couldn't help but notice you just came into a bit 'a wealth there."

Kitty grinned, walking across the room and taking him by the arm. "Oh, jeeze, I hope I didn't just get you wet!"

"No trouble, darling."

"Good," she continued to walk casually back towards the door, and Izzy followed along beside her, captivated by her infectious smile and the beads of water that dotted her skin. "It was just _so_ nice to meet you, Izzy! Just so nice! Do you come by a lot?"

Izzy grinned. "Well, I certainly can, darling, now that you live here."

"Oh, I do hope you come by again soon! But I gotta tell ya, I'm just beat and if I don't take a nap I'm gonna pass out where I stand, ya know?"

Izzy nodded. "Oh, of course. But about that money - "

Kitty just frowned and opened the door. "Oh, I can't think about money when I'm this tired."

"Yes, but - "

She stopped him with a kiss and gently pushed him out into the hallway. Before Izzy could think to protest, she slammed the door shut and locked it again, turning to Beni with a sigh.

"I'm beat. Are you still sore at me?"

Beni remembered the money under his pillow, still marveling a little at how easily she'd lured Izzy and his stupid demands about money out of the apartment. He looked up at her and shook his head, and she smiled.

"Good. Scootch over."

He gave her a look and whined, "But this is my side of the bed - "

Kitty raised her eyebrows and pulled off her towel. "I said scootch."

"Yep."

He watched her as she slipped into bed beside him, suddenly not so tired as he was before now that she lay there so perfect and naked. He slid closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. She let out a weary sigh and closed her eyes, but he could see the little smile in the corner of her mouth.

"Baby, I'm _so tired."_

"That's alright."

She snorted. "You know, _some of us_ was out workin' hard last night to bring home money, 'stead 'a spendin' it on tramps."

Beni just stared at her, wide-eyed and innocent. "I do not know what you are talking about."

She giggled. "You smell like cheap perfume."

Beni frowned, sniffing at his armpits to see if he could catch a whiff of incriminating evidence.

"I don't mind," she said quietly, taking hold of his hand and pressing it between her breasts. "Talk to me in French, and I won't mind at all..."

**end.**


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